So if you’re one month late, why not be two months late, right?
Okay, maybe not most of the time, but this puts my Chuseok post (that I’ve been talking about for two months) out around American Thanksgiving season, and since many people reading this happen to be American, that correlation is kind of fun.
So as I mentioned in this post, a lot of things happened in Daegu. But the whole reason I was in Daegu in the first place was to celebrate Chuseok (추석) with a Korean family. Chuseok is the major harvest festival and three day holiday celebrated in the 8th lunar month in Korea (there are similarly timed major festivals in China, Vietnam, Japan, and many South Asian countries as well). Since it goes by the lunar calendar, its date varies, but the actual Chuseok day is always the 15th day of the 8th lunar month, which was September 24th this year. Similarly to Thanksgiving, Chuseok is a time of celebration and gratitude for the harvest and for family. It frequently involves visiting relatives, bringing gifts (traditionally food and fruit), and several specific traditions including Charye (차례) a memorial ceremony to honor the ancestors performed at the home of the eldest son. Depending on the current religious affiliation (or lack thereof) of a family, these rites can vary a bit in practice, but their purpose is to show respect, reverence, and gratitude to those who came before, and they are are a very important part of Korean culture. The other important one is seongmyo (성묘) which is the visiting and cleaning of graves along with a simpler memorial.
Like American Thanksgiving, there is also a lot of eating involved. So much eating that I wondered if I was ever going to be hungry again (spoiler: I was). But I’ve gotten ahead of myself.
If we backtrack to the Sunday I met my host family, I also met up with the other Handong guest, Joy, who was Taiwanese and much better at speaking Korean than I am. This was handy, as our host parents basically just communicated in Korean for the full three days. Their daughter, who was really fun and sweet, spoke great English, so she was able to help out if necessary.
My Korean level is a lot higher in the reading/writing and understanding department, tbh. I just think so hard about responding that people usually assume that I don’t understand, which frustrates me – even if it’s understandable. So far, the most difficult part about speaking Korean in Korea is finding people patient enough to let you process and get a sentence out, which has given me even more respect for people who can come up with on the spot responses in a language that is not native to them. For someone like me, who has to process, even in English, and has the attention span of a gnat, this is really challenging. I frequently get frustrated because by the time I come up with a response, I’m past that part in the conversation, or a (usually well-meaning) person has translated, responded, or some such – which I don’t like, but isn’t meant that way by the person. These same traits make me bad at giving speeches naturally, or presenting. I literally forget “how to word,” when I’m faced with a group of people – my tongue feels thick, I get really thirsty, and I sometimes have trouble breathing. And yet, I have to get over this all the time, and I try not to beat myself up over it too much.
But this really long aside is to explain that not everything has been “idyllic” here. I have really loved being in Korea, and I don’t want to leave, but that doesn’t mean things are easy or not challenging. And that is the reality with many language learners (unless you’re brilliant), so I think it’s important to acknowledge it.
Anyhow, our host family was really far too kind and generous (despite my lack of rapid-fire Korean ability), and they involved us in every detail, starting the first night. I was honored that they opened both their home and their personal heritage to us, which really meant a lot to me as an American and an outsider who sincerely loves people, culture, and traditions, but understands that she doesn’t “belong,” per se.
The first night, we helped make some traditional side dishes. I was tasked with frying Koguma (고구마) – Korean Sweet Potatoes (not like Yams) that are popular snacks and street food. It was a lot of fun, and of course, the best part was taste-testing. You fry the potatoes in a light batter, so they are burning hot, soft, and a little sweet on the inside, with the crunchy, salty batter on the outside. Addictive.
Chuseok itself, the next day, involved an early start. We headed to the oldest brother’s house (of our host dad), and then proceeded to stay out-of-the-way. We watched as they set up everything to perform Charye (차례) – which involves very specific steps, including: setting up a screen in the north (which you can see in my picture) with the table in the south (in front of it), with the small ritual table (also pictured) in the very front. Proteins should be in the back, and larger dishes, with fruits and desserts in front. White foods should be in the west (left) while red foods should be placed on the east end (right). While these basic rules are followed, the actual food arrangement and variety, and rows, varies by household and region.
This part felt much more private, and a summary is that they set up the table of beautiful food, and after the memorial was properly performed by the brothers, we helped clear everything away and sat down to eat it all together. There were many relatives, and I had an easier time following the conversation because I was better able to just sit quietly and listen, so that if I was asked a question, I could answer. That is – I could answer if my mouth wasn’t full of food. It was definitely up there with one of the best meals ever: octopus, pajun (egg and flour batter cakes with meat and/or veggies), so many varieties of banchan (side dishes), chicken, fruit, rice, and more – so loaded on the tables that it seemed they might break.
After we ate, we spent some time visiting with the cousins, and inevitably, eating again (even though we weren’t hungry!). We spent a long time there, and then went home for a little bit before it was time to head farther out to the country to visit some of our host mom’s family.
This involved a long, winding drive in the dark to a more rural bit of Daegu. I could see a few farms on the way there, but soon it was too dark to tell. As soon as we arrived, the feel was a lot different from the formal, more ceremonial air of the earlier celebration. Our host mom’s brother-in-law was hilarious and fun to talk to. He introduced us to large mushrooms that grow wild in the mountains of Daegu – which turned out to be one of about 6 varieties that showed up during that meal. Because, of course, the point of this was a meal. The best part of this gathering was that it was a little like the unexpected party in The Hobbit. We started eating, only to have another sister show up with more food. Then another sister and her husband – and more food. And then another sister with food – but all at different parts of the evening. The two brothers-in-law were full of stories and anecdotes, and inevitably ended up talking about sensitive politics (just like half the families I know in the US around American Thanksgiving). Joy and I felt included in all of it, and of course, we had to eat until we couldn’t eat any more.
After we left (very late, and very full), we learned that we would drive out to the country again the next morning. This time, we would visit the grave site of our host mother’s parents. It took about and hour and a half to drive out there, but the scenery was gorgeous. Rolling hills, apple orchards, and mountains – with a clear blue sky and some giant, cotton-ball mound clouds. At the graves, we helped clear off weeds that might weaken the domes, and then had a picnic of fruit and enjoyed the cool weather and sunshine. After this, we stopped by a state park and walked around a reservoir, taking advantage of the beautiful weather. There was an outdoor market there, where we bought apples and (more) mushrooms before climbing back in the car and heading home. The ladies all decided to see a film (Searching starring John Cho – which was excellent!), and that was a fun thing to do together. Also, Korean subs meant a practice session!
The next day was the last day, so we went early to look at Daegu’s huge field of Cosmos and other flowers with our host mom (who loves flowers). It was gorgeous, if a bit chilly, but our smart and thoughtful host mom brought a thermos of coffee to help with that.
Sadly, after this, it was time to say goodbye to everyone but our host mom. She took us to the church cafe she runs first, and we helped move some plants around and drank some delicious pour-over coffee before we headed back to the bus station. On the bus ride home, I reflected both on our host family’s kindness, openness, and how they had welcomed two foreigners like actual family. I also thought about the similarities and differences between holidays, but how food and family are at the center of most celebrations around the world.
The trip also honed in on what parts of Korean I’m still really weak on (speaking), and I definitely improved from the three days of solid immersion (even if it didn’t help my confidence levels). However, the most important part was definitely the rich and unique experience, and being included in that experience. It’s something I’ll never forget, and it re-inspired me to invite and include people who don’t have somewhere to go to my family celebrations. Even if your traditions are different, you’re still bound to have a lot in common, and I think that is something every family should think more about during family celebrations. Whether that family is one you chose – friends, in-laws, etc – or the one you were born into, holidays are always a good time to remember how much you love them and the kindness and generosity you receive throughout the year.